Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
