I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
