She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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