shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
