Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
