If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
