I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
