Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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