i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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