I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
