So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let's get the cat blown out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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