how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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