i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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