I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
