so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
