I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
