My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
