Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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