I can't breathe out the right side of my face
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen