I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.