I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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