I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.