I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
