My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
