After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
