garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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