i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
