hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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