you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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