Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
