I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
