ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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