After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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