He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
