How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just forgot I was standing up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
