why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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