It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
