Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
