feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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