I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
