He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the day after is always just damage control
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
