I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
