cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
