that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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