i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
