he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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