Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
