Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
