Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
