no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
