The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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