I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
where are my eyebrows?
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