Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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