I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
