Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
