Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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