I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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