I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
