i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
