Having a random hookup so left but love u
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
