Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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