So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
