hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
