Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
there's paper in my vomit.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize