She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
