She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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