ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
