I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
