She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
