Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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