tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
