I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
