Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
