Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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