she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
