He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
