The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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