Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
