i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
