I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
