If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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