She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
