I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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