No period for spring break; use this wisely.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize