I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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